The Childcare Series: A Work at Home Mom Shares Her Unique Journey with Childcare in the UK
In this post: I’m beyond excited to introduce you to Jenni Donato! Jenni has two children, one of whom has special needs, and is a work at home mum in the UK. She founded her own life and mindset coaching business and hasn’t looked back. I know you’ll enjoy hearing about Jenni’s childcare journey and hearing about how things are done in the UK!
My experience with childcare is maybe a little different than most and I really didn’t understand how complicated it all got until my second child came along.
Here in the UK many people have the first year of having a child off on some form of partly paid, mostly unpaid maternity leave and I enjoyed the first year of my daughter’s life (my firstborn) without giving childcare much thought.
Staying at Home
However, when it looked like I would have to return to work, my work was not as flexible as I had expected about times and days and my office was a long journey, so – managing to survive on my husbands salary – we took the brave decision for me not to go back and enjoy an extended period of time with my daughter.
We had also decided to move house and get married so the plan was to get all this done first, then for me to return to work and decide on some kind of childcare for her at a later date.
However, things did not go as planned. We got married in a lovely quiet ceremony in Portugal with our closest friends and family and moved into our forever home but, despite finally starting to live our happily ever after, something felt off about our daughter.
My Daughter’s Diagnosis
I always knew my child was a little clumsy, but after a broken leg and a broken collarbone before the age of 2 – and after being told by numerous NHS doctors that everything was fine – we trusted our instincts and insisted on a private medical checkup. I went by myself assuming I would just come home after being reassured – yet again – I was just a neurotic first-time mum.
However, that was not the case and this was the day my life changed forever. Within an hour my baby was diagnosed with hip dysplasia and I was told this happy toddler, who was racing up and down the corridor, had coped with a dislocated left hip from birth, needed major surgery and a full cast from the waist down, both legs held apart by a broomstick (a spica cast) for at least 3 months. She would then need to learn to walk again, potentially face more surgery throughout her childhood, and probably a hip replacement in her 40’s or 50’s if she was “lucky”.
My world – and all our plans – came crashing down around our feet and my career plans were once again put on hold. My daughter’s surgery and treatment and our plans to extend our family turned into a very dark time in my life (here’s the whole story). But my daughter was a warrior, stronger than most (and definitely me) and our journey pushed our family to it’s limits, changed me to the core and gave me a new perspective on life.
Finally Finding Childcare
Finally, at the age of 3 she was on her feet again and we could finally get her into a childcare setting that she had been craving for so long. The isolation of her treatment and only spending time with her immediate family was over and she was craving friends of her own and her own independent adventures.
Her childcare story was a no-brainer and she was accepted into the local pre-school (Ofsted rated Outstanding) and within a week she was happily running in with her friends, forgetting even to say bye to her teary-eyed mother stood at the gate!
[Editor’s Note]: Ofsted is the UK government’s Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills.
Letting her go in and walking away was one of the hardest things, but I knew it was right and she is now a happy, bubbly (nearly) 5 year old little girl in Reception Year at the attached school.
My daughters treatment – and the people we had met along the way – got me thinking about my career and what I wanted to do next. Despite being blessed with our gorgeous whirlwind of a son, who was now a newborn, I started my own Life and Mindset Coaching Company for Women. My journey made me want to support women from all backgrounds who had been through similar unexpected challenges or who were just simply struggling to be totally happy and content in their own lives.
I wanted to help them find themselves again and bring unconditional happiness back into the lives of them and their family, as I had finally done with mine. I made my company a not-for-profit Community Interest Company so I could ‘pay-it-back’ and I love what I do.
My Business Grows
To say the business, Chance Coaching CIC, had taken off is an understatement. Even with a newborn and a 4 year old I found myself making connections with amazing people who were pushing the business forward, inviting me to speak at networking events and inviting me to partner in fundraisers and events. I found myself in the media spotlight with interviews with the local paper, book chapter offers, articles in Natural Health Magazine and other magazines and well-known websites. But most of all – I had clients. Actual clients who I couldn’t let down. All of a sudden things got serious!
My life had become busy, hectic, stressful and I knew I needed a plan! By this time my son was about 8 months old and I knew I needed some space to concentrate on my business so when I was with him, I was truly ‘with him’. Having fun, going to baby groups, taking him swimming. Not simply firefighting with the media articles and planning for my clients. With him being such a bundle of energy and a total people pleaser, I knew he would benefit too and my search for childcare began.
Childcare, Round 2
Where would I start? My inner monologue went something like this
“Nursery, Nanny, Childminder…… I was confused. I looked around what was available in the local area. I was convinced I wanted some kind of nursery where there was more than 1 person to look after my son. After all, I could never trust just one person to be alone with my son all day. What happens if they were secretly a horrible child hater and just left him in the corner with no toys, or food?? No, nursery was better.
But nurseries were so hectic, kids screaming and running everywhere, such a massive change from home life for a 9 month old. In one place I even saw a baby left asleep in a car seat with no adult supervision even in the same building! OK maybe too many adults and other screaming kids didn’t feel right either.
How about a Nanny? Someone in my own house where I could keep an eye on them? They could even help me cook and clean. Maybe I was getting a bit too excited. They were so expensive and would I really want to hear them all day while I was trying to work? Maybe not…..
OK, I guess I was back to a childminder? Maybe they wouldn’t be so bad if I could just find the right one?”
[Editor’s Note] I asked Jenni to clarify the terms for childcare for non-UK readers! Nursery refers to group care for infants to 3 year olds (like a daycare center). A childminder is someone who looks after children in her home.
I wasn’t at all sure what to do
All of this was confusing and I had gone round in circles. I’d ended up back where I thought I definitely didn’t want to be, looking for childminders. And this is where things got even more complicated! The cost, the contracts, term-time only or full time, all the t’s and c’s and the list of other things to consider went on.
I finally found a childminder I thought looked ok and asked to go and visit her. She sent me through some details and I found one hidden line in the small print that said – despite being a term-time contract – she charged half rate for all the school holidays. Was this normal/acceptable? It made a massive difference to the yearly cost and something didn’t feel right about the sneaky way it was written.
Back to square one.
Finally, a solution!
Then I happened to see a post on Facebook and up popped a friendly looking face with – what looked like – a very small childminder business. I immediately messaged her and ask to go and see her. Within a couple of days I was sat in her living room chatting to her and meeting some of the incredibly cute, calm, happy, well behaved children she cares for. I found myself comfortable enough to ask her openly and honestly if the sneaky extra holiday charges were normal and chatting with her about the minefield that is Childcare!
She was perfect, forget the paperwork, the contract, the cost, I didn’t want anyone else looking after my son and I signed him up then and there.
She’s everything I initially didn’t want! A single person, totally responsible for my child in the secrecy of her own house! But in my eyes, she’s our own version of Mary Poppins and both me and my son love her. I drop him off and turn around to drive home to work without a worry. I sit down at my computer and work with a clear head and a happy heart. And best of all, just before she drops him off she’ll send me photo’s of what they’ve been up to that day and I’ll have a smile and a cup of tea before he comes home!
Childcare Allowed me to Find Fulfillment in my Business
So for now my business is going great, my daughter loves school and my son – who has just turned 1 – is getting 3 days a week of extra attention and interaction he craves as the social butterfly that he is. I also have the emotional space to work and keep up with the house (mostly!) and then be a better mum when I’m with my children. We have our own happy routine and my fingers are crossed this feeling will last for a long time.
Jenni owns and runs Chance Coaching CIC, an Award-winning Life and Mindset Coaching Company, helping women from all backgrounds to overcome challenges, rediscover their confidence and live the life they want. Due to a difficult stage in her life (read more at www.chancecoaching.com/my-
