How to Connect with Your Child Every Day by Picking One of These 20 Simple Ideas

Five positive interactions to every one negative interaction – that’s the magic ratio that produces happy couples. This magical rule doesn’t only apply to couples – it’s just as relevant with co-workers or kids! With the five positive to one negative ratio in mind, think about your day. When I think about an average day in my house, there are a lot of … requests – “Mommy, I need milk.” or “Kid, please get your shoes on.”. There are some negative interactions when someone isn’t getting milk or putting on their shoes quickly enough. There are a few sweet positive moments, but I honestly can’t say it’s 5:1.

My daughter’s kindergarten class has a concept called “Being a Bucket Filler” to encourage positive behavior. The child’s emotional bucket is filled when they are kind to someone else, or someone else is kind to them. I firmly believe that it’s our job as parents to fill our kids’ buckets so that the contents of their buckets will stay with them throughout their lives. Their buckets will get them through school challenges, tough relationships and becoming parents themselves.

I set out to figure out how to connect with your child, even on the busiest days! I’m going to put these ideas to the test and I hope you’ll try them out too!

The Four Bedtime Hoops

I really, really love the four bedtime hoops ritual. I ask the kids four questions: 1. What was the best part of your day? 2. What was the not-so-good part of your day? 3. Did you do something kind for someone today? 4. Do you have any questions about your day? We call it special time and we try to have it almost every evening at bedtime.  It’s really neat to see my kids’ days through their own eyes, and it’s fun when one of them asks me, “Mommy, what was the best part of your day?”.

Easy After-School Questions

I feel like I’m in the dark now that my daughter is in Kindergarten. No more daily sheets! If I ask her how the day was, I get nothing. So I usually ask her just two easy questions: “Who did you eat lunch with?” and “What did you do at recess?”. If nothing else, she remembers the fun game they played at recess and that gets her talking!

Snack and Water at Pickup

Sometimes love means attending to their physical needs. Food and water at pickup will help tide them over until they get home.

Put the phone away between home and bedtime

It’s hard, but try to PUT THE PHONE DOWN until the kids go to bed. My co-workers all know not to bother contacting me between 5 and 8. The kids need to know they’re the focus for that period of time.

Stop everything and acknowledge something kind/helpful/awesome they did

It doesn’t take long to make sure kids know you notice them. Step out of whatever you’re trying to accomplish and take a minute to appreciate them.

Examine their creative block structure or beautiful artwork in detail

Your kid worked super hard on that creation! Take a minute or two to check it out.

Look them in the eye

So often, you’re talking to your kid while emptying the dishwasher, folding laundry or cleaning up. When you can, stop and look them in the eye when you’re having a conversation.

Give them a long hug when you or they leave in the morning and return in the evening

Physical contact is a great way to transition from “together” to “apart” and back again.

Tell them you’re proud of them when you tuck them in at night

No matter how bad of a day it was, I can always think of at least one thing my kids did that made me proud. It’s kind of amazing to watch their little faces when I say to them at bedtime, “I’m proud of you.”

Don’t be the first one to break a hug

I tried this the other night with my 3 year old, who hates going to bed. When she finally got tired of the hug, she pulled away and said, “Thank you, mama.” Then she stayed in bed. Melt.

Say “I love you” without talking

I was reminded of this one when we recently read How to Babysit a Grandma. Point to your eye, then your heart, then your kid. Or come up with your own unique way!

Call them by a favorite nickname

You probably do this anyway, but if the nickname has fallen out of use, why not revive it?

Leave a note or picture on the inside of their bedroom door so they’ll see it in the morning

My kindergartner likes proof that I checked on her after she fell asleep, so I often leave a post-it note on the back of her door as evidence.

Set up a funny tableau of stuffed animals in their room as a surprise

Sometimes I set up the stuffed animals in a silly way as proof that I visited kiddos’ room when she was asleep, or when the girls are coming home after being away. It always makes them laugh.

Get them a giant balloon at the grocery store because why not?

Small investment for big joy!

Make them peanut butter fairy toast for breakfast (toast + peanut butter + honey + sprinkles)

I’m all about a nutritious breakfast, but fun is an important component of any diet! Sneak a little protein in there with the peanut butter.

Tell them what you were like when you were a kid

My kids love to ask me what my favorite song or book was when I was a baby. It’s always fun to talk about!

Look at old photos with them

Spend time with your kids looking through old pictures of mom and dad or grandma and grandpa. Why is daddy so short? Why is mommy’s hair cut like that?

Accept when something is important to them, even if you think it’s ridiculous

Sometimes kid are irrational. Sometimes adults are irrational. Accept it and don’t discount your kid’s seemingly ridiculous opinion, whatever it is.

Hang their art on the wall

Display their art and make it a conversation piece! They’ll be incredibly proud.

Fill their buckets!

Do just two of these a day and I guarantee that you’ll increase the number of positive interactions you have with your kids.  Don’t forget to print the list if you need a little reminder of how to connect with your child when life gets busy. Use these simple – and quick – ideas to fill your child’s bucket to the brim!