9 Tips for Solving Kid Bedtime Problems
Bedtime has to be one of the most challenging times in early parenthood. There you are, trying to tuck your little one in. You’ve had a full day of work, parenting or both. Adult time is so close you can taste it.
And then…your kid won’t get into bed or won’t stay in bed. It is SO hard to keep your patience when your kid is having problem at bedtime.
That’s why you need these 9 bedtime hacks. Like many things in parenting, I’ve found that the only way to solve bedtime challenges is to try a bunch of things and see what works.
I have used every one of these nine tips at some point in the past, and I still use many of them today! I guarantee these hacks will keep you from losing your shit at bedtime and will get you through to the other side.
How to Get Kids into Bed On Time
Some kids have trouble just getting into bed. Maybe they like to dawdle on their bedtime routine, or they ask for one more books. Kids have mastered the fine art of the delay tactic!
Number 1: The Benefits of a Consistent Bedtime Routine
Set up a clear bedtime routine – that includes bath, brushing teeth, putting on pajamas and books. When you have a routine to refer to, it’s no longer a power struggle. You’re not making them brush their teeth or take a bath. It’s simply something that’s a normal and expected part of the bedtime routine.
A study of infants and toddlers’ sleep routines showed that children who had a consistent bedtime routine showed improvements in time to fall asleep and had fewer night wakings. The mothers’ moods also improved significantly after they implemented a nighttime routine.
You can help keep your kids on track by making a bedtime routine chart or bedtime routine cards for them to use. This method is especially helpful for children who have trouble focusing on the steps they need to complete. It also helps kids see how close they are to story time, which can be a huge motivation!
Number 2: Keep them on track and do a hard reset if things get too crazy
My kids often get wound up a bedtime. They’re overtired and things can get rowdy. I hate it when that happens because it both derails the bedtime routine and riles them up.
To nip the craziness in the bud, I find an air horn noise on my phone and play it as loudly as possible. I realize this sounds ridiculous, and maybe it is. But that air horn immediately gets their attention. Then I can ask the kids to calm down.
The point here is that you can’t let bedtime get away from you. Stay on top of the entire routine from beginning to end. If a kid starts to wander a little off the path, gently (but firmly) but them back on. Because kids are so tired at bedtime, any little deviation can lead to chaos.
The best thing you can do for your kids at bedtime is to be their bumpers to keep them on the path. A good night of sleep is one of the best things you can do for your kid, and it’s good to stay focused on that goal during bedtime.
Number 3: Get a Sleep Training Clock
We have a programmable clock called the Remi clock (it was a kickstarter product). You can set your kids’ wake and sleep schedules. When it’s “sleep” time (8 pm for us), the clock’s face goes from awake to asleep.
It also starts playing music, and this is key. It’s super annoying to try to read books over the bedtime music, so the start of the music the kids’ cue to get into bed. Again it works well because it reduces the likelihood of a power struggle. Getting into bed becomes “the bedtime music is playing, it’s time to get into bed” instead of “mommy says to get into bed”.
Number 4: Short goodnight after lights out
I used to spend one on one time with my kids after lights out, but I’ve changed that recently. I was actually very reluctant to give this time up because I love spending that one on one time with them.
Ultimately I shifted the one on one time to a different part of the bedtime routine because keeping things short and sweet after lights out really does help. The kids get out of bed significantly less frequently since we’ve made this change. It’s totally worth it!
I’m not sure why it works, but I think it sends the message that mom and dad aren’t interesting after lights out.
How to Get kids to Stay in Bed
Some kids go to bed without a fight but won’t stay there! I know because my four year old has gotten up four time during the last hour as I’ve been writing this article. So frustrating!
Number 5: Spending Quality Time with your Child
Sometimes a kid struggles with sleep because they’re worried about something. That’s why it’s important to spend some one on one time with each of your kids every day. I used to do this after turning out each child’s light and tucking them in.
When I realized that bedtime goes more smoothly when I make lights out short and sweet, I decided to move the one on one time to a different part of the bedtime routine. I have two kids and sometimes I’ll do “quality time” with one kid while the other is in the bath or shower. I’m still close enough to see and hear the one in the bathroom, but it’s still private enough for the child I’m talking to.
Another option is to have special one on one time after you tuck your child in, but before you turn your lights out. This way they know that when the lights are out, it’s sleep time. You could also try spending a few minutes one on one with your child during the day instead of at night!
Number 6: Use a Bedtime Pass
I’ve used the Bedtime Pass concept with varying success throughout the years. The idea is pretty simple: give your child a ticket each night. They can use the ticket to get out of bed one time each night – and one time only! We called it the “Get Out of Bed Ticket”.
A kid who is cautious and thinks ahead will often decide to save the ticket for something really important, and end up not using the ticket at all! Even if they do use the ticket, that’s still just one wake up.
I think that the bedtime ticket can work really well for certain ages and personalities. If you’re at your wits end with your kid’s sleep, it’s worth a try!
Number 7: When your kid gets out of bed, do not engage
When your kid gets out of bed, try to be as boring as possible. My husband and I used to get into huge debates with our youngest about whether she needed more water or her room was too cold or whatever it was she wanted to argue about! We put a stop to that when we finally realized that she didn’t really care about the water or the temperature. She was just trying to amuse herself, and we were playing right into it.
So we stopped arguing or even reacting and it works like a charm. When your child gets out of bed to request something, just lead them quietly back to bed. Don’t talk or make eye contact. Keep your expression neutral. If your kid request something small, like a cup of water, give it to them quickly and without comment. If they ask for something unreasonable, say, “We can talk about that tomorrow. It’s bedtime now.” And leave.
If you have a kid who likes drama, this method works really well! You don’t have to be jerk about it – just be completely uninteresting! They’ll tire of the game soon enough and might actually even fall asleep!
Number 8: “You don’t have to sleep, you just have to rest”
Bedtime can become a power struggle. But like it or not, you cannot make your kid sleep and there’s no point in trying. You can create conditions that will help them sleep, but you simply cannot force them to fall asleep.
Telling them that they have to go to sleep creates a power struggle that you won’t win. Instead, set firm rules about bedtime that do not involve actually sleeping. Some rules might include:
- Stay in your room
- Lights out
- Quiet music only
- Stay in your bed
Whatever rules you set, be firm about enforcing them but do not insist that your child “needs to sleep”. The fewer power struggles at bedtime, the better.
Number 9: Change your Child’s Sleep Schedule
If you’ve tried everything and it’s still not getting better, try experimenting with your kids’ naps and bedtimes. Some kids sleep better at night when they drop their naps (although it can make the evening hours a bit hair). They might just not be tired when you put them down.
On the other hand, overtired kids also have trouble falling asleep. A mom I talked to recently had success with moving her kids’ bedtime an hour earlier. The children went to sleep more easily and slept longer. Sounds like a sleep miracle!
Observe your kids at bedtime and try to figure out what’s really going on. Is your child perfectly calm and just not sleeping, or do they seem more wound up than usual? Your child’s behavior is probably the clue you need to figure out whether they’re too tired or not tired enough.
If your Child Refuses to Go to Bed, Try these tips – and don’t give up!
Although the years of kids bedtime problems can seem endless, these issues do improve over time. If you maintain a consistent routine and keep bedtime from becoming a power struggle, you have a great chance of making it to your couch and Netflix sometime before midnight. Promise!
