How to Prioritize When You’re Overwhelmed at Home

That drowning feeling – we’ve all had it. It’s Wednesday evening, we’ve already had a long week at work, and we’re staring down a list of chores at home. The kitchen’s a mess, the laundry’s piled up, we really need to get those returns to the UPS store. Oh – and we desperately want to spend some quality time with our family.

Sound familiar? We’ve all been there, and I’ll admit to many days where I felt that rising panic under the weight of things that really needed to get done.

I’m still working on it, honestly. But I do have a prioritization system that I fall back on when that drowning feeling hits. You can alleviate stress by learning how to prioritize when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Time management at home is just as important as it is at work. 

Notes about How to Prioritize When You’re Stressed

Before we start talking about how you can prioritize when everything is important, I want you to know that this strategy is short term. It sets a lot of things aside for the sake of learning how to manage overwhelm. Unfortunately you can’t go on like this forever. But it is a good way to cope when you’re stressed and don’t know what to do next. Keep these tips in mind as you learn how to prioritize tasks at home when life gets super busy.

This Prioritization Strategy is for short term overwhelm only

This is a short term strategy and not a long term one. If you are constantly falling behind and feel unable to catch up, there are some longer term ideas that will work well. (In that case, you can work on outsourcing, delegating and minimizing.) Think of this prioritization process as something you can use on a day when you’re particularly busy, tired or both.

This Prioritization Strategy is for home only

For the purposes of this exercise, I assume that work isn’t coming into play. When you have a full family and work life, I find it particularly helpful to mentally time-box work. During work hours, I prioritize work except for urgent family issues (sickness, emergency, etc.). After work hours, I may allocate additional time after the kids are in bed for urgent work, but I do that sparingly and only for a specific amount of time after family time.

How to Prioritize When You’re Overwhelmed: Ask Yourself These Five Questions

Now that you know the limitations of these tips, let’s dig into the strategies you can use to prioritize when overwhelmed. It really helps just to know where to start. 

How much time do I have today?

I know that productivity experts usually talk about time blocking in the context of work, but I actually find it equally helpful at home. Weekday evenings, in particular, are busy for my family now that the kids are both in elementary school. With homework and activities, it’s really helpful to my mental sanity to block out the time we’ll be at taekwondo, working on homework, eating dinner, etc. This tells me how much open time I realistically have for chores. 

What are my family priorities today?

I never prioritize chores above family, full stop. So before I decide anything about my to-do list for the day, I block in my family activities. When my kids were small, that might mean once or twice a week evening workouts for me. Now that the kids are in elementary school, it’s more likely to be taekwondo or climbing. Each day my husband and I make a plan about who is taking the kids to their activities. Some days, we all do an activity together, like climbing.

I make a time block for every activity, plus prep and driving time, in my planner (The Full Focus Planner).That gives me a better sense of the time I have available. I also plan dinner during this process. I usually pencil in our meals for each day based on what we have going on. Then I block time accordingly. 

It’s also helpful to block time you’ll be spending with your partner. For me, the time after the kids go to bed is usually off-limits for tasks because I spend it with my partner. You might be realizing that this doesn’t leave a ton of time to do chores, and you’d be right. But that’s OK – it’s better to be realistic than to try to fit too much into each day.

Does this have to be done today?

First, ask yourself what absolutely has to be done today. Getting groceries because you have no lunch food? Has to be done today. Folding laundry because you have no underwear? Do today. 

This really helps you eliminate the fluff and “should do” items when you’re feeling overwhelmed. If you feel like you just have no time and are drowning, simplify. What absolutely must get done today? 

Does this have to be done by me?

Once you know what absolutely has to be done today, ask yourself: do I have to be the one to do this? I know I often default to “Mom has to do this”. My husband used to travel for work and sometimes I just fall back into that “It’s me or no one” role. 

Fortunately that doesn’t have to be the case for me or for you.  Which tasks have to be done by you? Which ones can a partner or kid take on? Sometimes there are things you have to be the one to do. Even young kids can help with chores, though. My children can often go pick up something from school (we live 0.3 miles away), help with laundry, tidy up, empty the dishwasher, and help with simple chores. My husband frequently cooks dinner, keeps the laundry moving, goes to the recycling center, etc.

You can also consider hiring people to help with tasks that are just too much. Maybe a neighbor or teenager would like to run a load of boxes to the recycling center or drop donations off. Could you take your pile of laundry to a wash and fold, just to catch up? Can you use online grocery ordering and delivery to take a trip off your plate? I use Target and grocery curbside pickup almost constantly for little things. Can you take the dog to doggy daycare so you don’t have to walk her? Could you ask your cleaners to come an extra time? 

Don’t feel like you have to do everything. Sometimes you can spend a relatively small amount of money just to unbury yourself. 

Can I multitask?

Sometimes, it is possible to multitask. Can any of your tasks be combined, or can you make a chore into quality time? A few examples of places where I can either multitask or add tasks on to other outings are:

• Drop packages off at the shipping location on the way to or from a kids’ activity
• Pick up grocery or Target order on the way to/from kid activity
• Fold clothes while watching a movie or hanging out with family
• Fold clothes while lifting (during the rest periods)
• Empty the dishwasher while waiting for coffee to brew, kettle to heat, food to cook
• Tidy up or make food while on a call (I have a bluetooth headset and WFH)

Sometimes multitasking makes us frantic and I don’t recommend it. But sometimes it can be great. The key in my opinion is to combine a relatively mindless task with something more involved. You can’t participate in a meeting and research summer camp options, but you can probably fold laundry or empty the dishwasher during a meeting. You can also combine something mindless with exercise or entertainment.

Longer Term Strategies for Time Management at Home

The coping mechanisms you use to manage overwhelm are not necessarily sustainable long term. To help support your mental health and house management tasks sustainably, start working on the future now. 

Learn to let it go

Get comfortable with the fact that some things simply will not get done. You have a limited amount of time and that’s OK. Recognize that you will find time for the tasks that are important. Over time, you will learn to get better at identifying those important tasks, too. Sometimes you make a mistake and spend time on something that isn’t critical. That’s how you learn! Adjust for next time.

Reconsider your Systems

Here’s the reality: if you go through too many days or weeks of doing only the minimum, chores will catch up with you. At some point, you will need to develop systems that work, or outsource more, so you can keep the day to day tasks and chores reasonable. Although this is a long term goal, do not worry about that when you’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s OK to put tasks off while your life is busy. 

How to prioritize when you’re overwhelmed at home

First of all, take a deep breath. It’s going to be OK. Truly. I have sent my kids to school in unwashed clothes before. It’s fine. I have ordered takeout when I meant to make a healthy dinner. Also fine. I have hired a laundry service, I have completely ignored cleaning the kitchen for a whole week, I have parked the kids in front of the TV to eat dinner every night. I’ve done it and we all survived. 

The key is to keep your wits about you. Don’t go into panic mode. Whittle your to-do list down to the things that absolutely must be done, and must be done by you. And if there are too many things on that list then get back  to the paring down. A good piece of writing is edited at least three times, and so is a good to-do list. 

Get comfortable with the idea that you personally don’t have to do everything. It’s going to be OK. Truly it is. So just breath.