The Five Positive Parenting Books You Shouldn’t Miss

Now that you’re a member of the parent club, you know one of the best-kept secrets in human history: parents have no idea what they’re doing. If you’ve ever felt like you’re groping around in the dark for a light switch that everyone else has already found, don’t worry.  We’re all looking for it. Search Amazon and you’ll find EIGHTY. THOUSAND. parenting books listed. You do not have time to even begin on that, mama.

This book list is short, to the point, and oh-so-useful.

Each book will keep you coming back again and again over many years. All of them are positive with a side of practical. These five positive parenting books are just right for a working mama who wants to be nice to her kids while also, you know, getting shit done.

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Sleep

I sure did want my baby to sleep in her first year of life. She wasn’t having it. Somehow (I’m still not sure how, to be honest), I stumbled upon The Sleep Lady’s Good Night Sleep Tight by Kim West. People, this book is work. Hard work. But it also helped both of my kids sleep better. The premise of the book is that you slowly reduce the amount of effort you put into getting your child to sleep. The first few nights, you might pat your baby’s back. The next few nights, you sit by the bed and reassure your child verbally but not physically. Then you move to the door, then to the hallway, then to another room. It does take a while, and you have to stick it out the first few nights. But in the end, your kid sleeps better and more quickly and you still feel like you’re there to support her.

I’ve used some version of this process all the way from about 9 months through 3 years, when needed, with both of my kids. My daughters have very different personalities, and this was one of the rare parenting techniques that actually worked with both of them. Hooray for sleep!

Discipline

If you’re looking for loving ways to set boundaries for your kids, you need to read No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame. The author, Janet Lansbury, uses positive parenting principles but also emphasizes how much kids need structure and consistent parenting. She offers very practical, actionable tips about when to push an issue with kids (e.g. make sure they have on proper clothing for the weather) and when to let it go (e.g. the kid is wearing a mismatched outfit). I found these guidelines so useful that I actually wrote them down on an index card and carried them around for a while. The framework laid out in No Bad Kids combines positive parenting with useful, actionable steps to create structure for kids who really need it. It fits my own style, and the needs of my kids perfectly, I only wish I’d found this book sooner! I’ve also found that it works as well for younger elementary-school aged kids as it does for toddlers and preschoolers.

Communication

If you haven’t read How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk you need to add it to your reading list! This is a book that I recommend, and hear other mothers recommend, over and over.  How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk is a very practical, and sometimes surprising, guide to talking with your children. The book gives concrete guidance and useful examples to help parents and children build a solid foundation of respectful communication.

Faber and Mazish also wrote Siblings Without Rivalry, which is the first book I recommend reading when you become pregnant with your second child. Its principles are applicable almost from day one of Baby #2’s arrival, and remain just as relevant as the siblings get older. I use the concepts in this book regularly to encourage a good relationship between my two daughters. If only it could keep them from fighting (the book isn’t quite that magical).

Adele Faber’s daughter, Joanna, co-wrote How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen, a book that is geared specifically toward 2-7 year olds. It contains some good information that is more relevant for younger children. This book is a good companion to How to Talk to Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, but if you only have time to read one book, go with the original.

Development

Hear me out on this one. Everyone seems to like The Wonder Weeks, but my babies never got that memo. Instead, I’ve started reading the good, old-fashioned series on child development by year, written by Louise Bates Ames. Now, these books were written in the late 70’s and early 80’s. You’ll have to overlook some dated ideas. If you can do that, though, these books will make you laugh and you’ll be comforted in the knowledge that your kid’s behavior is perfectly normal (if maddening) just like generations of kids before him (including you).

I just read Your Three Year Old: Friend or Enemy and thoroughly enjoyed it. (Just ignore the author’s strange section about how a three year old’s birthday party should proceed. Hilarious stuff.) These books, though retro, give a clear, accurate and occasionally laugh-out-loud funny view of our children as they grow.

Pregnancy

I’m out of the pregnancy phase myself, but I am constantly recommending Expecting Better by Emily Oster to every pregnant woman I know. This is my absolute favorite pregnancy book. The author is an economist and mom. She clearly describes the research on drinking alcohol while pregnant, when you’re likely to give birth and how bad is sushi, really. The book does a great job of helping you understand the true risk associated with a decision so you can make informed choices for yourself. I think it’s a must-read for every pregnant woman.

Build your Parenting Library

Every working mom knows – we don’t have time to research the heck out of everything. We’re too busy working, and parenting, and cleaning and on and on. This short list of positive parenting books contains some powerful and actionable information, that you can immediately use as a parent. And there’s nothing more satisfying than that.