This Working Mom’s Don’t List Will Inspire You

About once a week, I see a social media post in one of my working moms’ groups from a desperate, busy mother. They’re wondering how they can possibly grow their career, spend time with their babies, exercise AND do all the things around the house.

I have never spent too many calories on this particular worry. I think it’s because I’m an economist at heart. I know there are things that a) I’m good at and/or b) only I can do. My job falls squarely in the “I’m good at it”. “Parenting small humans” and “hanging out with my husband” are obviously type b – I have to do those things myself (mostly). 

Most other things I either don’t do or hire someone else to do them. So I want you to know that yes – I have a fulfilling career. I exercise at least 4 times a week. I spend the evening with my husband every day he’s not traveling. I love my kids deeply. I spend time working on writing that matters to me.

But I don’t do the rest. And I am 1000% at peace with that. I hope that my “don’t list” inspires you to rethink what’s really required in your own life. Working moms DON’T have to do everything. Really.

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My Working Moms Don’t List

Here’s my list of things I just don’t do. I want to be honest about what being a working mom is really like. My worst fear is that you all think I do everything or have it all together because I definitely don’t.

Cook (usually)

I don’t cook very often. When my husband is home, he usually cooks. When he’s gone, I rotate between 3-4 actual recipes that I know by heart and short order eggs/grilled cheeses/quesadillas. For the record, my recipes are:

• Slow cooker beef osso bucco (modified from Tim Ferris 4 hour chef)
• Scott Jurek’s vegan chili (faaavve)
• Mother in law’s parsley salmon recipe
• Balsamic vinegar roasted cauliflower
• Sweet potato wedges w paprika 
• Salad
• Tacos

That’s it. It’s boring but I don’t care. The recipes are mostly healthy, people will eat them, and they don’t tax my brain. The end. I will never attempt a Pinterest recipe, no matter how good it looks, and I’m fine with that. 

Send thank you notes (sorry people)

I realize this is bad but I’m not that great at sending thank you notes. This is something I should improve upon but this is reality. 

Mail presents on time (really I’m sorry)

I am a terrible gift giver and I know it. The 2019 calendars I made as family Christmas presents got mailed in February 2019. I am terrible. 

Fold laundry regularly (I know)

Despite my many aspirational attempts at a laundry system, I don’t always keep up with the laundry. Sometimes I get busy and a big batch of dirty clothes piles up. Sometimes my husband runs a bunch of loads but no one folds them right away. On some days, I can’t even walk in my laundry room because the floor is covered with clothes. Yep, this is the unvarnished truth about being a working mom.

Have clutter free anything

Dear my neighbors: your houses are nice and I want to be like you all. Alas, I am not. Our house usually sits somewhere between clean but cluttered and a bomb went off. I wish this weren’t true. We’ve both gotten better and things don’t usually get actually dirty…but the clutter doesn’t go away without a massive effort and right now it’s not worth it to me.

Change the air filters regularly

Yep, I know we should but we don’t. Last week our cleaning crew basically forced my husband to do it! They were really gross. 

Decorate cakes, cookies, or any other desserts

I’ve never been particularly artistic so I long ago gave up decorating baked goods except for fun. I make not pretty, from a box cakes for the kids’ birthdays but I always buy the cake for their party if I want it to look good. 

Send creative lunches

Much like dinner, my kids’ lunches are not creative. Despite my reservations about the health of school lunches, the kids usually buy three days a week. The other two days, I pack their lunch. I do use “bento boxes” I guess? They are plastic containers with two compartments. But other than that, those lunches are 100% boring and are comprised of a short list of possible ingredients:

• Sandwich
• Cold chicken nuggets
• Grapes
• Strawberries
• Sliced peppers
• Hummus
• Pirate’s booty

That’s pretty much it. 

Volunteer at my kids school 

I do feel guilty that I don’t volunteer at school enough. I try to to attend most events and volunteer once or twice a year. But it’s hard to be there during the school day and I struggle with the break in concentration that comes with a midday school commitment.

Go to unnecessary meetings (sorry PTA)

Back in 2011-2012, I was pregnant and trying to finish my PhD. I dropped all non-essential social and volunteer activities and I never looked back. If it involves a meeting outside of work, I won’t do it. I’m a PTA member but have never attended a PTA meeting. Ditto for my HOA. I realize I should be more involved but I just don’t have the time or bandwidth at this stage of life.

Care about Instagram

I realize this is superficial but I just have no desire to create IG stories. It doesn’t seem hard but I just …don’t haven’t put in the effort. Does this mean I’m old? Probably. Hopefully someday I’ll figure this out.

Sort laundry

On the topic of laundry, I don’t sort laundry at all. I do separate out towels and sheets but clothes? Nope. Darks, lights, delicates, whatever. It’s all going in there.

Take care of my skin

I’m closing in on 40 and I should be paying more attention to skincare, but so far I’m not. It just seems like so much effort and time and how do you really know if any products actually work? Rightly or wrongly, I think the cosmetics industry preys on womens’ insecurities and I’m stubbornly trying to resist.

Pay attention to fashion

I’m sure I could be more fashionable but I just don’t care. I have a closet full of solid-colored sheath dresses and blazers in about 4 different colors that I rotate through. My calf boots probably should be retired but whatever. They’re warm and keep my legs dry and I don’t have the energy to find the perfect ankle booty. 

Go into stores

I just…don’t go into physical stores if I can help it. Although I was a child of the 80’s and loved going to the mall, in 2019 I nearly break out in hives if I have to go in to Target. My children beg to actually go inside the grocery store. It’s a treat for them. My theory is that the only reason I need to go inside a physical store is poor planning. BTW I have been trying to go into smaller, independently owned stores and I really like those. They’re less overwhelming and more personal. I just find big box stores and grocery stores super draining.

Decorate for holidays

I’m not too great at decorating for the holidays. My kids really really want to decorate for every holiday and to me…well, it seems like a) stuff to clutter up the house and b) a lot of effort to put something up only to take it down. I love decorating for Christmas but other holidays, not as much. I’m trying to strike a balance because I love the kids’ enthusiasm.

Schedule the weekend

I know that some people LOVE having full weekends full of activities, play dates and socializing. Me, I love facing down a whole weekend with nothing to do. We recently changed our schedule so that we leave for the kids’ taekwondo class at 9 am instead of 7 am and it feels heavenly. That hour on the couch with my coffee on Saturday morning is what I live for since my life seems full of schedules and logistics Monday through Friday. 

Wash my car

This drives my husband crazy, but I really don’t notice when my car is filthy. We have a Jeep and a truck and take them on all sorts of adventures. My thinking is: why wash them if they’re just going to get dirty again? I realize this is faulty thinking but I can’t help myself. 

Budgeting

I love math and find personal finance/investing fascinating but I HAAATE budgeting. Analyzing every little purchase is just the worst – so much noise in the data! So I don’t budget. I do pay my savings, investment and retirement accounts first.

Matching/fancy kids clothes

Shout out to grandmas for buying my girls cute, seasonal, coordinating outfits. Otherwise they would just have 100% practical school and play clothes. I am just not fun in this area, much like in my own wardrobe. 

Too many after school activities

My kids have lots of interests and would probably like to do soccer, track, guitar, dance, horseback riding, art and 10 million other things after school. I just can’t deal. I find it super draining to go somewhere after work, even if I’m just sitting there watching. So my ideal is one weeknight of activities and the other nights off. 

My DO list

My “don’t” list is so long because I want to make space for what matters to me. Since I don’t like feeling stressed and rushed, I’m pretty disciplined about what I do.  Here’s where I do invest my time:

Self care

I get a massage once or twice a month and it is the best investment. Not only does it help me relax and feel my best physically, but the quiet space is invaluable. It’s almost worth the money to me to sit in a quiet room for an hour (not really…but kinda…). 

Exercise

I don’t skimp on exercise. I usually get up early a few times a week to lift or run. I sneak in a run or two during the day at work. And I go to kickboxing class once a week. I also usually take the dog for a long run on Saturday when the kids are at Taekwondo. 

I feel so much better when I exercise. It’s an investment for me because it keeps my overall energy level high.

My Interests

I really enjoy my career, but I’m also drawn to creating resources and support for working moms. So I create time to work on those side projects – usually when my husband is traveling. 

Career

I love my job – data, analytics, solving business problems. That’s my thing and it’s great. Every day is different. I never get bored, and my co-workers are the best around. 

Family

Mornings, evenings, and weekends are for my family. I will always spend time on my husband and kids. 

Enough cleaning

I do find that I feel less stressed in a tidy house, so I try to maintain at least a minimum level of cleanliness. 

Working moms don’t have to do everything

If you feel like there’s no way you can get everything done, you’re probably right. Make your working mom’s don’t list. Pick the things that are important to you and your family and let the rest go. Your “don’t list” might look 100% different from mine! I just want you to know that you have the freedom to buck expectations and make your own to-don’t list today.